In India, girls often fantasize a prince like groom gallantly riding on a white horse sweeping their princess off their feet to live happily ever after. In return, the groom seeks a bride who can manage everything in his life and hers effortlessly without a sweat on her eyebrows.
Eventually, reality strikes. And the majestic expectations fall apart serving as a blow to their relationship. Love is replaced by anger, frustration, resentment and acute disappointment.
Expectations: The biggest blow to a relationship
Is it right to ask the person conduct himself/herself in a way that you desire?
Should you not fulfil you desires on your own?
How fair is it to expect someone else to be like you or lead a life just as you like?
Setting unattainable expectations from your partner is not just unfair but also the biggest spoiler in your relationship. It can unsettle your relationship in slow but certain ways. Here are a few expectations that can bring your relationship to an unfavourable turn-
- Expecting your partner to change
You married someone because you liked who he or she was. His/her personality kindled a spark in your life. And, now you want that someone to change. You want him/her to become like you, adopt your ideology, change his/her personality, etc.
Adapting to the new life as a couple is one thing but expecting your partner to change as per your beliefs and ideology is another. In the event you will not only loose the person you married but will also cause him/her a great deal of mental and emotional pain.
Try putting yourself in your spouse’s place and think if would you like to drop your way of life and change? Be true to yourself. This will help you to drop your expectation of change and respect your partner for his/her distinct personality and lifestyle.
- Expecting without communicating
Expecting something from someone without communicating your expectations is one of the biggest reasons for fights in a relationship. How can someone know what is she/he supposed to do unless you tell?
Just because your family gets up early, you expect your wife to get up early as well. What if that’s not her style or what if she worked till very late the previous night?
Similarly, you expect a romantic dinner with your husband on your anniversary but feel extremely disappointed when he throws a party at home! Did you ever think that doing this might be his ultimate idea of showering you with happiness?
No relationship can thrive unless you communicate what you really desire. It is important to speak up and open your hearts to each other.
- Expecting marriages to be work automatically
Life offers no free lunch. This holds true to your relationships as well. Unless you put consistent efforts and work towards making them blissful, they will wither away. The expectation that love will happen and persist on its own is a lie. You need to work on it every single day. Taking your spouse for granted is one of the biggest mistakes made by many in their relationship.
- Expecting to meet a certain standard
The worst thing that you can do is to compare your partner with someone else and then persuade him/her to follow suit. Firstly, it is impossible for any two people to be the same. Besides that, by doing this you are hurting the self-esteem of your spouse and arousing his/her anger and resentment in more ways than one.
Do you like being compared with someone else? The how would he/she?
Acceptance is the only way forward to a healthy relationship.
To conclude, it is not wrong to expect. But, one should know that the same rules apply to both and where to draw the line. I urge you to reduce your expectations, go high on love and live a happily married life ever after.